A movie review. Sort of.

Our kids both love all things Dr. Seuss-related.  Anna gravitates toward the board books and simpler stories, while Will enjoys the lengthier books.  In fact, we possess two copies of The Cat in the Hat, which did not keep Will from checking out a third copy from the school library.  Twice.  His enthusiasm reached a fevered pitch this past month, when his school held a Dr. Seuss Field Day for the younger grades.  They spent a few weeks reading several Dr. Seuss books and then had a day of crazy games and fun snacks.  Thanks to all this, we were all looking forward to the new movie, The Lorax, which came out last weekend.

We checked movie times after Will's Tball game last Saturday and found that the theater around the corner from us had a non-3D showing at 3:20.  Non-3D is very important to John; he's taken Will to a few 3D movies, and apparently Will has a tendency to rub his popcorn-oil-laden fingers on his 3D glasses and then complains because he can't see.  So John has to switch glasses with him, and thus has suffered through oil-smeared 3D versions of Toy Story 3 and Cars 2.

But no worries--we showed up at 3:15 and purchased our non-3D tickets.  I was so busy juggling 4 coats and my purse containing sippy cups, plastic bowls, and some contraband Twizzlers, that I failed to inform John he didn't actually have to pay for Anna, and I also didn't notice which theater they told us to go into.  We stopped at the concessions counter for a medium popcorn, soda, and bottled water, and then headed down the hallway to the theaters.  There were two theater doors with "Lorax" signs above them, so we went into the one with the non-3D sign.

Just inside the door, a father and son were standing with their popcorn and informed us that the previous movie was just ending and that they were told the next showing would be 10 minutes late.  I peeked around the corner, saw the Lorax credits rolling, and headed back out with our family to wait for the theater to empty.  Then we went back inside and got settled.  "Getting settled" at this point in parenthood means handing out a jacket to everyone, pouring the water into sippy cups, and divvying up the popcorn.  And then I handed the popcorn bag with the parental allotment of popcorn to Will, because he always wants to save HIS popcorn for the movie, and eat ours during the previews.  He is so my child sometimes.

Miss Anna was just happy to have a cup of popcorn, and spent her time trying to keep her seat down.  It's hard to keep your seat open when you're not quite 30 pounds in weight!

Besides us, there were only about 12 other people in the theater.  John and I reflected on how sad it was that the neighborhood theater could only get 16 people for a matinee showing of a major children's movie on opening weekend.  We sat back, ate popcorn, and checked Twitter, waiting for the movie to start.

The previews finally started--I wasn't paying much attention to them, until John leaned over and said, "These previews are really inappropriate for a children's movie!"  Sure enough, I heard several curse words.  John and I were getting more and more heated by the minute, until the moment when a character said "crap my pants" in one preview.

"Daddy, what does 'crap my pants' mean?" asked Will.

I looked at John, and said "I really think I may have to speak to someone about this," when the previews finally stopped and the "no cell phone" ads started, letting us know the movie was going to start.  At this point, it was almost 4 pm and we'd been in our seats for quite awhile.

Just then, the screen flashed an announcement to put on the 3D glasses.  John looked at me--"Are you KIDDING me?  Have we been sitting all this time in the wrong theater waiting on the 3D version??"

I just wanted to save the afternoon, so I scurried out to the front, begged for some 3D glasses, and ran back inside.  On my way back in, I happened to glance at the sign above the door again--and noticed that , next to the Lorax sign, there was also a sign for Ghostrider.  And I started getting a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

We all got our glasses on just in time for the opening scene....which, as I feared, featured a man riding a motorcycle down a highway.

John in a stage-whisper:  "Isn't this supposed to be an animated movie?"

Will, loudly: "Is that the Lorax?"

Me, frantically:  "We need to leave.  NOW!!"

I didn't know much about Ghostrider but I knew from posters that Nicholas Cage spends at least part of the movie looking like this.  And I really didn't want to deal with the nightmares that would stem from Will seeing a blazing skeleton head.  So John and I started gathering all our stuff and herded the kids across the hallway into the other Lorax theater.

That theater was much more crowded and the movie was well in progress, but, thank you, Jesus, (and I truly mean that in a sincere, non-blasphemous way) I spotted four seats all together next to the aisle.

John, darkly: "I think we should just go home."

Me, falsely cheerful:  "Oh, the kids won't notice."

Will, puzzled: "I think this movie has already started."

Me, in full you-will-have-fun-or-else mode:  "Pipe down, you've read the book, you know the story!"

So we missed the first 30 minutes or so of the movie.  But despite that, we LOVED it!!  Even Anna, who inexplicably watched the entire non-3D movie with her 3D glasses on.  The story was sweet and the songs were great--we've been be-bopping to the soundtrack all week.  Will took the conservation message to heart and, on the way home, asked to buy a seed.  So we stopped by Lowe's and purchased a little garden kit for him:

Let it grow!  Let it grow!
(Track 6!)

Anyway, I give the last half of the movie two enthusiastic thumbs up, and I can't wait until it comes out on Netflix so I can see the beginning. :-)